I think people underestimate how incredibly difficult it is to live with a person who suffers from any sort of mental illness. I speak from experience when I say that it is one of the most challenging, heart-wrenching, aggravating, depressing, completely degrading, and hopefully strengthening, things anyone ever has to deal with.
Living with, being related to, or having to deal with, anyone who suffers from a mental illness, psychological/personality disorder, substance abuse problem, psychical ailment, or any combination thereof, is something only a select few people have the strength to handle. It has more than it's fair share of downs, with very few ups scattered in. It's filled with a maelstrom of hurt and anxiety, anger and depression, frustration and fear. It is not an experience I would wish on anybody, but if this is something that you are going through, I want you to know that you are not alone. I wish someone had told me this when I first started realizing what exactly I was dealing with. But I didn't have anyone to talk about, it make it okay. And I'm not saying this is easy, and I'm not saying it will just disappear with time... this is something that I still struggle with everyday. I'm not claiming to be an expert, and I don't have any life-changing advice. I just want everyone who is dealing with a similar situation, to know they are not alone. We can all work through this together.
I'm 17 years old, and I live alone with my mother. My mother had a very troubling childhood which she suffers from PTSD, because of. She is also on medication for severe depression and anxiety. Untreated, she also deals with Bipolar Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorder. She is also a former Alcoholic, and is in the midst of chronic kidney rejection for the 2nd time, and recovering from a stroke. Not to mention a slew of other disorders I could name, that have gone undiagnosed.
Needless to say, she's got a few issues.
Being her daughter, the person closest to her, and the only one willing to deal with her, a lot of day to day responsibilities fall on me. Despite all of these conditions, we still struggle with the everyday teenage daughter/mother relationship. It makes it quite difficult to deal with, seeing as I'm more in the parental role than she is. The whole situation is complicated and messy. It leaves me constantly stressed and upset, on top of all of the other responsibilities currently on my shoulders -- keeping a 93+ average Senior year, finding work, preparing for college.
Everyday is a struggle, everyday is hard work. Some days I break down, I lose my shit and call my dad crying for some sort of relief. Some days I get angry and freak out, antagonizing an outburst I know is to come. Some days I accept the fact that this is the hand I was dealt, this is the situation I'm in, and there isn't a whole lot I can do about it. Those days are few and far between, if you ask me. It's not an easy thing to accept, and even after years of dealing with this, it's still a struggle for me.
I'm not going to say "this too shall pass", or "acceptance is the key", or any other combination of inspiring and comforting statements. Because I don't know if they are true, and I'm not going to lie to you.
If you are living with a situation similar to mine, I want you to know you are not alone. That is the purpose of this post. I don't have the answers. I'm still figuring it all out, too. The only thing I can say is that I'm a survivor, and I know I can get through this.
I hope you're a survivor, too.
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