On forgiveness...

I need to be kinder to myself, this I know for a fact. This I believe strongly, wholeheartedly.

I need to forgive myself the mistakes I make, both minor and major.

I need to be more gentle, more forgiving, more positive.

I need to take better care of my body. For, health is one of the most important things that you can have, and it should never be taken for granted. More exercise, better food. Gentle, caring, healthy.

I need to forgive myself my emotional moments, and embrace them, feel them with everything I have. It's okay to cry, it's okay to feel sorrow, pain, and fear. But by God, it's good to laugh, and it's important.

I need to forgive myself the pimples that pop up around my chin and by my nose, without fail, whenever I need to go out in public. And I need to forgive myself my slightly greasy, unwashed hair that I sport on those Sunday mornings where I just can't seem to get out of my own way.

I need to forgive myself the faded grey sweatshirt, ratty old sneakers, and plain old jeans, that have become my everyday look, on these cold, rainy mornings.

I need to forgive myself for not looking like I just walked out of a magazine, but I also need to forgive myself for spending that extra $40 on some cute new clothes, 'cause I just needed to feel pretty.

I need to forgive myself for not shaving my legs for weeks, and for feeling guilty about it.

I need to forgive myself those moments where I swear I'm one untimely giggle or strange comment away from losing all my friends, because it's important to be silly, to laugh, to be happy, and if those people can't tolerate those traits in me, (albeit sometimes annoyingly present), then they don't deserve such a sacred place in my life.

I need to forgive myself the calls that I don't make, answer, or return, and the plans that I cancel.

I need to forgive myself for feeling guilty about taking care of myself, because I can't waste all my energy fixing everyone else, and I sure as hell can't help them when I myself am such a mess.

I need to forgive myself for the deep-set fear I have about stopping my medication, and the worry that I can't take care of myself or my life without it.

Some of this forgiveness has already started to create roots inside of me, strong and unmoving, secure. Others I need to remind myself of more often, until the connection is made and the concept is understood.

But along with all that comes one simple promise, and promise to myself that I never plan to break: I will forgive myself these things. I will forgive my mistakes, missteps, and mishaps. My troubles, and blunders, and bad decisions.

I do forgive myself.

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