Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting away. That I'm Prufrock, waiting and watching, waiting and watching, but never doing. And I don't want to live my life like that. I'm mediocre at a lot of things, and great at nothing. And I know that I could be great, but only through hard work and dedication. I do know I'm mostly to blame for the situation I find myself in.
However, I feel like the instantaneous "We want what we want, and we want it NOW!" atmosphere/society that we're living in has fed into my expectations/delusions that everything will come to me if I just stay patient and continue to be a good person. But life is hard, no one gives you hand-outs, and the universe doesn't favor. You won't get anything unless you reach out and grab it for yourself. Being a good person doesn't have any affect on your ability to take advantage of the opportunities that are thrown your way. What's that saying? "Life is a vast ocean... and you've got to be a shark." Or something to that effect...
But I guess knowing and acknowledging that I have this problem is half the battle.
In truth, I should be thankful that this feeling is only floating near on occasion, and is not a permanent state that I live in, as it once was. I'm managing to actually stay pretty on top of things (no panic attacks!), for someone who was having a complete mental breakdown a few weeks ago.
One day at a time, I guess.
Small victories, guys.
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